I love to write from within and express how I truly feel. And if that helps someone, even just one person, it brings me happiness. You know that feeling of having mixed emotions towards someone, whoever they may be. The reality is we all experience both good and bad times with others. But how we perceive a person often reflects how we see ourselves. I've learned to shape my behavior and attitude based on my interactions with others. It all boils down to relationships.
In therapy, my work with clients revolves around our relationship. The reason is simple – relationships are magical. They reveal both the good and the bad within us. If you're struggling to connect with me and find it hard to be authentic, then that becomes the focus of our work. It means you haven't yet found a way to manage your own expectations, set boundaries, and be present. The magic begins in therapy, and once you've learned to just be yourself, you'll carry that into other relationships, including friendships and romantic ones.
A relationship signifies connection. Connection leads to authentic bonds, granting you the freedom and luxury of simply being present. What a gift I gave myself when I let go of relationships that didn't fulfil me or bring out the best in me. Recognizing those relationships that drag you down when you could flourish with someone else is a significant step. Don't fear losing someone. The fear stems from a lack of connection with yourself and a deep struggle with missing that person. But I'll pose this question: would you rather maintain a relationship that brings out toxicity in you or confront yourself and let it go to be surrounded by quality people?
Of course, every relationship is unique. Dysfunctional dynamics can be changed if both parties are self-aware, but it takes time, energy, and resources. That's when you must decide if the effort is worthwhile.
Feelings of shame and guilt are common when letting go of certain relationships. It means parting with aspects of yourself. Don't be afraid. The friend who makes everything about themselves or the partner who denies your reality is not your doorway. The door lies elsewhere; you just have to step into your confidence and choose the relationship with yourself.
How can you improve your relationships without therapy? While many psychologists and therapists don't recommend attempting this at home without guidance, the empty chair technique can be helpful. Sit in front of a chair and imagine the person you want to talk to sitting there. Allow yourself to feel the emotions you have towards that person, whether it's anger, frustration, guilt, or anxiety. Start by expressing everything you need to say to them, both good and bad. Holding a pillow can help regulate your nervous system throughout the process. Finally, at the end of the conversation, communicate your decision to the person. This is often the hardest part, and people typically release their emotions in various ways. Trust your instincts; they never deceive you.
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